A retort to the Queen
Your Gracious Majesty, I must retort. I will not apologize for nor can I explain the 97.85% of American dullards that cannot seem to elect leadership for this great nation. However, I beg mercy, Your Grace for those of us who have attempted to right this nefarious wrong by voting for a third party candidate.
Your Highness must be aware first and foremost that while a vast majority of American nitwits have grappled amongst Bumbling Bush and Asinine Al, an infinitesimal bunch have not. We, Your Exaltedness, deserve immunity. I therefore propose the following compromise to your order.
A small and separate nation will exist inside of your British American borders. We prefer Nevada, but will accept Utah if you promise to take the Mormons (and all their wives).
Our sovereign nation maintains the right to Microsoft. You may take Bill Gates into British custody and torture him as you wish. However, without Microsoft we won’t have an economy except for prostitution and gambling..on second thought, scratch that demand.
We gladly renounce “American” football. However, we would like you to accept a new sports development that involves use of the current House and Senate members. We have not yet fleshed out the details, but we will be working with the Russians (duh, we know they are not the bad guys!) to formulate some “bloody” rules.
We will keep “duh”, “like” and “you know” in our vocabulary, else we may loose many of the dumb blonde hookers necessary to our primitive economy. As a compromise we will institute the use of “bloody”.
We will keep the Constitution. We will not be denied the right to free assembly, free speech and all the other freedoms that those Congressional bastards try to take away. Most importantly we will not be denied the right to bear arms in case your fat British ass decides to try and renege on this agreement.
Sincerely yours,
The Sovereign Leader of the New American Republic -
THE PEOPLE!